Stress and Panic Attacks

Oh what a day. As soon as I woke up this morning I was ready to go right back to bed. I woke up early so that I could finish some homework I wasn't able to finish earlier. Well, I woke up when I was supposed to, but decided not to do homework. I took my time getting ready and made myself look presentable. As I got ready to walk out the door I noticed it was raining outside. I thought, oh well I'll just grab my umbrella and be good. I was wrong. The weather in Provo decided to be like the weather in Wyoming. Constantly changing and unable to make up its mind. Also the wind was blowing. The wind does not blow in Provo. By the time I got to school I walked through rain, sleet, and snow. I was soaked completely through. It looked like I had just got out of the shower with my clothes on. So much for getting ready.

My first class this morning was planning and management. This class just totally overwhelms me. They tell us all these things we have to do to become a teacher. There is so much to think about and to consider that I began to stress so much. I will student teach in a year and I am not ready. I don't know any of the core curriculum, I don't know how to teach a class full of elementary students, I don't know how to set up a floor plan so that it benefits everyone, I don't know how to decorate my room so its not too distracting, come to think of it I don't even know where to buy decorations. How can I be a teacher? What if I ruin some kids life because I can't explain math to them. I was so overwhelmed by the end of the class period that I didn't know what to do.

Luckily I have a wonderful friend that is in all of my classes with me. She is the type of girl that I can tell anything too. We went downstairs after our class to work on math. After being super frustrated because neither of us could figure out what we were doing on math, or at least I couldn't. We began to talk about how overwhelmed we were. We both found out that we are overwhelmed with the same things. Becoming teachers, what the future has in store for us, boys, and life in general. I'm so glad that we were worried about the same things and that we talked about it because I think I was almost ready to explode.

I am still super worried about everything and I don't know how it will all pan out. This worries me to not know. I like to have everything planned out and know exactly what I am going to do. This time I don't.

All I know is that in a year I will be graduating from BYU with my teaching degree and my ESL endorsement. From now until then there is a lot that I have to do. I need do practicum in March and October. I need to take the Praxis. I need to decide if I am going to grad school, which I probably am. I need to decide where I'm going to grad school. I  need to take the GRE. I need to student teach.

There are still a lot of unanswered questions. Will I be married by then? Probably not. Will I go to grad school? That is a major possibility. Where will I go to grad school? Will I teach while I go to grad school? Where will I live? WHAT DOES THE FUTURE HOLD FOR ME?

This will be an interesting adventure and I guess I just have to take it one day at a time and deal with the panic attacks as I go.

So if you see me having a freak out, just remind me that it will be okay and that I CAN DO THIS!